It's always an odd feeling when you realize that your life is going to change completely in a matter of days. Slowly I've been pulling out of people's lives, becoming less actively involved; mainly because I realize that I am forced to let things go. I can worry, but I can't do much good half a world away. I can't offer a hug on a bad day, or tell my dad that I'll be down for the weekend, or hang out and talk with my brother. Although I'm not afraid to embark on this journey, but I am pensive about the change. I know that these coming months may be difficult for my family, not because I'll be gone but because I won't be here when things change.
Right now, I feel a sort of deja vu. I am in the same situation that I was in when I embarked on one of my biggest adventures at 17. I'm in a hotel room. Alone. Again. Steinbeck wrote that the best way to grow accustomed to loneliness is to be by yourself. Being alone is difficult, but there is a certain stimulating factor to airports and hotel rooms - even if it is by yourself. It would seem that places like airports and hotels are not really part of the sprawling metropolis' or the towns that surround them. They are stopping points - like a dock in the center of a lake. You swim to it, but your purpose is to keep going. You stop for a moment and then continue on in your quest to go somewhere else. The people themselves are like their own independant ships; they pass each other never stopping to get to know that other person. Even when they do, they know that they will never meet again.
The beauty of it is that these stopping points mean the passing through to another place. No matter the reason for traveling, there is always a certain excitement in never knowing how a trip can change you. Perhaps I've been reading too much Steinbeck, but I also recall him writing that we don't take trips, trips take us. And yes, although everything seems to be planned, you will never know what can happen once you step out your door. So despite the possible loneliness and insecurities, I can't help but agree with Steinbeck. I am ready for this trip to take me - and I look forward to the adventures that will follow.
